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My first time is still to come. As I said before, this is because of choice, not lack of chance. But when I do give it, it will be to and with the person I want to spend the rest of my life in a relationship with, working together to keep it well. And perhaps my saving it for him is the first sign of my submission to him.

As you said, we are in a time where it is our decision to do with it what we will, without being scorned. Like a Taken In Hand relationship, virginity is important only to those who prefer that. Those outside don't need to worry.


by a Taken In Hand reader on 2005 Jan 7 - 07:27 | reply to this comment
Saving yourself
Thank you for saying you were impressed with my comment. I do think that it is probably true that the societies that value virginity most are those that value women least. Reading about the revolting practice of female circumcision, for instance, it is clear that societies that practice that value women very little. That Dutch MP whose name I never can remember wrote about her feelings on being circumsised at five years old in Somalia, of her realisation that women existed only for the pleasure of men, she said it was worse than the pain. Reading that made a great impression on me, it's a good passage to quote to those who romantasise extremely patriarchal societies.

The decision to hang on to your virginity until you meet a special person is an interesting one, though entirely alien to my own viewpoint. None of the girls of my generation (the ones I knew anyway) were hanging onto their virginity, most couldn't wait to get rid of it. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 17, and that was elderly compared to most of the girsl I knew.

The only trouble is, I suppose, from my point of view, how do you know when that special person comes along? Isn't sleeping with him one of the ways that you find out if he is special or not? Or then again, what if you think you've found him, then sleep with him and find he isn't the special one after all. I suppose because sex always tended to be one of the first things I did with men, rather than the last, it would never have occured to me to find out if he was special first, I would have expected that to follow after, or not, as the case may be(more often not). I suppose it just isn't in my nature to think of virginity as anything particularly special.